Is a shared sense of humour the key to a relationship?

http://funnythingshere.xyz/is-a-shared-sense-of-humour-the-key-to-a-relationship/- -

Erika doesn’t need someone she finds funny, but she does want someone to laugh at her jokes.

Photo: Adobe

From 2009 to 2013, I was in a serious relationship, one where we talked about the “M” word (marriage, not mugs or mattresses, like the ones we bought together). In that relationship, I was blinded by my partner’s “on paper” perfection – prestigious schools, high-profile job, wonderful family, etc. And it didn’t hurt that I was really attracted to him. But, how did we relate to each other? Really well … for the most part.

I’m a bit kooky. I sometimes like to skip while crossing the street. It’s not unusual for me to write an entire to-do list in hot pink marker. And, my favourite thing in the world to do is to make a great pun. Sarcasm is not part of my range of humour; puns are. My partner’s humour was the opposite. He’d make jokes with a deadpan face, always leaving me wondering whether what he was saying was supposed to be funny or not, whereas I’d laugh at my own jokes, often before even getting the punchline out. He wasn’t usually amused. I can count on entirely too many fingers (and hands … and toes) how many times I said (seemingly in jest, but not really), “At least pretend you think I’m funny.”

My 2018 self sees, in hindsight, that our differences in humour were a red flag in the relationship. He didn’t need to laugh at everything I said, of course, but I wanted him to at least respect what I found funny. Is that ultimately what led to our breaking up? No, not in so many words. But, it certainly contributed to our not seeing eye to eye.

As I took a step back to assess things after that relationship, with the help of a wonderful therapist, I came to realise that “on paper” does not equal real life, and this is something I preach to my clients as well. How you relate to each other, including your respective senses of humour, makes a difference. That’s not to say that you have to find all of the same things funny – not even close – but it is important to “get” each other’s humour and at least find some appreciation in it.

In just about every online dating profile, from eHarmony to Tinder, you’ll see people say, “I’m funny,” or worse, “My friends tell me I’m funny.” (Of course they do – they’re already your friends!) I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone in my entire life who doesn’t think of him or herself as a hoot, myself included. But there are so many different kinds of humour – sarcasm, dark, sophomoric, punny (like mine), corny, childish, vulgar, dry, witty, and the list goes on. Does someone with dark humour fit with someone who has witty humour? I have no idea. But it’s something to consider. It’s a larger factor than one might think.